Wall of America is an ambitious proposal by the Trump Administration to keep our borders safe, while at the same time providing spectacular leisure, shopping, and dining activities for tourists visiting the beautiful southwestern United States. Wall of America, “the greatest wall you have ever seen”, is entirely privately financed, offering five star accommodations and “skybox” business suites overlooking a 1,500 mile long, 15,000 hole elite linear golf course.
SKY BOX LEVEL*
A tier of Class A business suites, echoing the look and feel of luxury corporate stadium skyboxes, is suspended at the top of the wall, looking out over the golf course to the desert beyond. Leaving the stifling liberalism of New York behind, Fox News has signed on as anchor tenant, inviting likeminded “Friends of Fox” to join them.
(*available only in business-friendly Texas and Arizona portions of the wall).
DRONE LAUNCH PAD
In a win-win public/private partnership between the US Border Patrol and Amazon.com, security drones launched from the wall ensure border safety while at the same time delivering timely packages to consumers in nearby growing southwest cities like Phoenix and Tucson. After a few early glitches involving color coordinated linen sets errantly delivered to drug cartel kingpins, the system is now operating flawlessly.
TRUMP INTERNATIONAL - RESORT AT THE WALL, LUXURY HOTEL, GOLFING, AND SPA
“The longest hotel in the world” features perched suites overlooking the beautiful desertscapes of Arizona and New Mexico. Easy access to golf, shopping, entertainment, and complete spa services makes the Resort at the Wall your perfect getaway destination. Designed as a series of 40 room intimate inn groupings, spaced 20 miles apart, the Resort’s motif changes along the way to match surrounding cultural and natural landscapes- you can start your journey “California Chic”, and end as an Anasazi cliff dweller. A unique golfing experience allows players to travel the length of the 1,200 mile long course, known as Trump International Golf Links at The Wall, staying in a different hotel environment each night. The resort is also your headquarters for a once in a lifetime safari into the Cabeza Prieta wildlife refuge, where you can hunt the majestic Sonoran Pronghorn, recently de-classified as endangered by the Trump Administration.
THE COLORADO RAPIDS INDOOR WATER ADVENTURE PARK
Now, the mighty Colorado can be enjoyed conveniently and easily by all Americans, not just those with the wherewithal to get to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Declaring “this is America’s water, not Mexico’s” the Trump Administration, with help from a Republican controlled congress, permanently seals the Morelos Dam at Yuma, diverting what remains of the Colorado River into the water park system. The Park gives visitors a panoply of memorable aquatic experiences- from serene canals plied by Venetian style gondolas to a “ride the rapids” whitewater adventure course. Die-hard adventure-seekers can ride the Sound n’ Fury Coaster that zooms overhead- with the occasional thrill of crossing the border illegally into Mexico!
MURO "EL SOLAZO"
As a half-hearted, patronizing gesture to the “granol-istas” to the south, the Trump Administration mockingly agrees to provide infrastructure and access for solar panel installation on the Wall’s massive south face. Mexican authorities quickly join in a public-private partnership with Elon Musk to create the largest solar array in the world, complete with an extensive industrial battery storage system. Edward Linacre, the 2011 Dyson award-winner, is also enlisted to design an industrial scale “Air Drop” system, powered by “El Solazo”, that provides irrigation water drawn from humidity.
Mexico recognizes an opportunity lurking in the United States’ “Koch induced” climate change denial stupor, and uses “El Solazo” as the centerpiece of a new campus / R & D center devoted to solving climate change. As a public-private partnership, the Universidad draws great thinkers from all over the world to combat the single biggest threat of our time*. Even the best and brightest from corporate America, seeing an opportunity to “do well by doing good”, and psychically weary of spending their talent ensuring ever faster and cheaper delivery of Holly Hobby dolls, join in.
*(…outside of the United States only. Al Queda Saddam Hussein ISIS is the greatest US threat)
THE NEW VALLEY
Migrant farm workers, now excluded from the United States, seek opportunity on the Mexican side of the border, building high-tech irrigation systems to grow food. A fertile food cradle sprouts up alongside the wall, along with “Resilient Villages”, supported by agricultural proceeds and the burgeoning solar industry. Town leaders, aghast at the U.S.’s choice to eviscerate its once proud public education system, join with El Mur and the Universidad to institute a “1,000 rays of light” school funding program, which diverts 5% of all “Wall-Zone” earnings to fund public education.
THE IMMIGRANT PROBLEM
The success of northern Mexico’s forward thinking investments in resilient community based economies and infrastructure begins to draw migrants from north of the border seeking a better way of life. Unfortunately, these migrants include land rapists, rabid consumerists, corporate vultures, and Koch-heads, and must be controlled in order to preserve Mexico’s way of life.
Luckily, the Wall works both ways. Remember, el camaron que se duerme, se lo lleva la corriente.